Hate the Sin, Not the Sinner

Book pages creating a heart shape

Then Peter came and said to him, “Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times. Matthew 18:21-22 NRSV

It is made perfectly clear that if we do not forgive we shall not be forgiven. There are no two ways about it. What are we to do?

It is going to be hard enough anyway, but I think there are two things we can do to make it easier. When you start mathematics you do not begin with the calculus; you begin with simple addition. In the same way, if we really want (but all depends on really wanting) to learn how to forgive, perhaps we had better start with something easier than the Gestapo. One might start with forgiving one’s husband or wife, or parents or children, or the nearest N.C.O., for something they have done or said in the last week. That will probably keep us busy for the moment. And secondly, we might try to understand exactly what loving your neighbour as yourself means. I have to love him as I love myself. Well, how exactly do I love myself?

Now that I come to think of it, I have not exactly got a feeling of fondness or affection for myself, and I do not even always enjoy my own society. So apparently “Love your neighbour” does not mean “feel fond of him” or “find him attractive.” I ought to have seen that before, because, of course, you cannot feel fond of a person by trying. Do I think well of myself, think myself a nice chap? Well, I am afraid I sometimes do (and those are, no doubt, my worst moments) but that is not why I love myself. In fact it is the other way round: my self-love makes me think myself nice, but thinking myself nice is not why I love myself. So loving my enemies does not apparently mean thinking them nice either. That is an enormous relief. For a good many people imagine that forgiving your enemies means making out that they are really not such bad fellows after all, when it is quite plain that they are.

Go a step further. In my most clear-sighted moments not only do I not think myself a nice man, but I know that I am a very nasty one. I can look at some of the things I have done with horror and loathing. So apparently I am allowed to loathe and hate some of the things my enemies do. Now that I come to think of it, I remember Christian teachers telling me long ago that I must hate a bad man’s actions, but not hate the bad man: or, as they would say, hate the sin but not the sinner.

For a long time I used to think this a silly, straw-splitting distinction: how could you hate what a man did and not hate the man? But years later it occurred to me that there was one man to whom I had been doing this all my life—namely myself. However much I might dislike my own cowardice or conceit or greed, I went on loving myself. There had never been the slightest difficulty about it. In fact the very reason why I hated the things was that I loved the man. Just because I loved myself, I was sorry to find that I was the sort of man who did those things. Consequently, Christianity does not want us to reduce by one atom the hatred we feel for cruelty and treachery. We ought to hate them. Not one word of what we have said about them needs to be unsaid. But it does want us to hate them in the same way in which we hate things in ourselves: being sorry that the man should have done such things, and hoping, if it is anyway possible, that somehow, sometime, somewhere he can be cured and made human again.





  • Steven says:

    How do I love myself? – the sin within allows that to happen quite naturally. To “love my neighbor as myself”, to transfer the love of self to the benefit of others is a high hurdle to clear – some might even say impossible but what’s impossible with man is possible with God. I’m a conduit of Gods love flowing through me and so I’m not loving my neighbors with my love. My love is self-centered, self-seeking, conditional and performance based. God’s love is others-centered, outward-seeking, unconditional and eternally unlimited. What are some areas in my life that might be preventing God’s love from flowing through me? Thanks so much for this thought provoking post!

  • Beth says:

    Thank you for elucidating on this subject. Indeed, understanding that we can love ourselves despite our many faults, enables us to accept we can do the same for others. A veil has been removed. Thank you

  • RJ says:

    Love covers…we love because He first loved us. When we dare to open our hearts to the revelation and substance of the Father’s Love as revealed to us by His Son Jesus, we can come into full heart forgiveness towards those who have hurt us. I’d go so far as to say that you will hold the hand of your abuser in Love as you reveal the Gospel of salvation to them. You will weep at the lostness of your father who returned from war unable to process the horrors of it, ultimately taking it out on his wife and family. You will touch the heart of the wild young criminal who was beaten, drugged, and neglected by the very parents who should have protected and nurtured him. We get God’s eyes on these lost ones. When we ourselves receive the healing Love, we can in turn touch others with that supernatural stuff that His Love is.

  • Bill patt says:

    Loving a neighbor is easy as long as they do not live next to you.

  • Doris says:

    You cannot give what you yourself don’t have. As we begin to understand the unconditional love the Father has for us, that there is no limit to His love for us, no matter where we’re at or what we’ve done, then we can begin to love our neighbour as ourself.

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